Underworld IIV
03.16.2008 @ 07.30 AM posted by jack

New Risky Venture, featuring Christine Feehan. Because everyone loves to laugh at you.




RISKY VENTURE #29

CLICK IT HERE READ IT NOW


Taco Bells Review
03.01.2008 @ 01.03 AM posted by jack

Ignore the date and time posted above, this post is actually coming from one year from now (then). I am using this opportunity to write of a future visit to taco bell that I actually won't make for about 12 months, for you. Here I did. Here we go!

What is Taco Bell?


A Hairy Debacle: I took this picture from my car after pouring Baja Blast into my car's think tank or "gas tank" as they are called in your time.
Taco bell is a futuristic chain taco restaurant specializing in bells. They were spawned in late 2008 by the Bell Telephone Laboratories and signed into action by President Perot on Novemberjune the 14th of next year. The name is an allusion to "wedding bells" between the Bell Labs and the Taco Corportation and I think some pretentious fuck poetry about fucking. Special GDI sonic technology allows them to take your order while you are still barreling down the street listening to Client's Heartland, but the astute Taco Bell visitor will notice that you must still repeat your order to the girl or boy at the window so they know which order to hand you in an uncomfortably short amount of time. You have 30 seconds to repeat your order exactly as you did in your brain earlier or your car fucking explodes unless it is a Hummer. This telepathic-repeat-foodget method works at all "get your food, fast" restaurants in the future but Taco Bells are the one what cooked it up*. Another thing what's worth mentioning is that holographic (I'm assuming) sauce packets will entertain you with jokes during your food voyage. The sauce packet jokes must have all been written by Kato Kaelin in the 80's because I interviewed him once on a radio show in 1988 and He had just bought a joke book from a school book fair and was also really funny too with all of the jokes from that book that he told me.

Here's a picture of us together



Sorry, the picture is exactly 100 years old and I tried taping it to my website and it didn't work and then I scanned the tape.

The Food


I decided on the #3 Combo, 3 Crunchy Taco Supremes (Soft Taco Supreme Edition) and 1 Baja Blast. It was okay.

Final Parting Conclusions


Taco's Bells may never figure out a way to make their food not fall apart in your car during the times when you're eating it in your car. They may never figure out other stuff I haven't thought of yet, neither. But what hertz me x10,000 is that I really wanted to make a Ray Dennis Steckler reference in this extravaganza (or "post" as I call it) but they didn't do anything that I could remotely tie in with him or his Nicholas Cage-esque looks. But Nicholas Cage is kind of like Matthew McConaughey so I can make a Hearts of Fire or Under Siege or whatever the fuck that dragon movie where he jumped on a dragon's head with an axe while having a beard reference, is. I don't really want to, though.

Pictured Above: A reverse angle of that restaurant I was talking about


Final ANALysis
Total Spent: -$0.78 somehow
Rating: 563
Recommendation: Ring that bell!!!!!!!!

Happy snacking a year from now(if you live that long).

*Pun

JB


PRESS RELEASE: I'M SICK OF BEING OUT OF THE LOOP
02.05.2008 @ 23.17 PM posted by jack

I'M BUILDING MY OWN LOOP

This guy has the right idea. Or, an idea anyway.



He knows how to party. He's what I call a party-knower.


I'm Fucking Insane
02.03.2008 @ 15.08 PM posted by jack

That's what you'd be saying right know had you now. I've erected a site (and it's a SIGHT) that pays no mind to principles of aesthetic web design or CSS or any of their chart-topping hits in BRAZIL. Here is where I will put information about what I am working on so that you can just come here instead of thinking I'm dead like you always do just because I am afraid of being around people )ESPECIALLY MY FRIENDS(But mostly you.

More things to come soon I think because people say I am always scheming. I guess that probably means I'll probably have more stuff up here for you to enjoy for free, since people probably always say that I am always working on a scheme.